QuoteWordy: Some Of The Best League Of Ireland One-Liners

(first published in the May 2009 Kildare County programme)

Over the course of the years there have been many great and not-so-great quotes from those around the League of Ireland, and not all of them from Damien Richardson. Nowadays of course, they’re there for all to see on MNS, but here are some choice utterances from a little further back.

From the ‘hitting the nail on the head’ category:

“His face is such a mess I’m going to bring him home and put him on the mantlepiece to keep the kids away from the fire.” – Dermot Keely on one of his players who had been in the wars

“Whether one possesses the stoical nature of an empirical philosopher, or a more mundane propensity for self-gratification, the cataclysmic effect of one’s removal from pole position in the most senior league in the country could be most injurious.” – the all-time classic of the genre from Damien Richardson

“I want to be successful so I’ll want to beat Bohemians, Shelbourne and Dublin City. I’d beat my granny up and down the garden if that’s what it takes.” – Roddy Collins on taking over at Shamrock Rovers

“The Waterford player’s shot was on target, which is an important aspect of a player’s shot.” – Damien Richardson

“I left as I arrived, fired with enthusiasm” – Roddy Collins again, though possibly apocryphal

“Yeah it would have, we would have won 7-1.” – Shamrock Rovers striker Liam Touhy, on being asked if Sligo Rovers’ missed chance while the game was scoreless would have made a difference to the eventual 7-0 scoreline.

“I’m not saying the game lacked atmosphere, but you could hear the corpses in Glasnevin cemetery during the second half” – Damien Richardson once more, after a match in Whitehall

“Come on you Blues who never lose, but very rarely win!” – Waterford supporters’ chant in 1970-71 when the Blues drew 11 times en route to the title.

From the ‘not quite got that right’ category:

“Harps in nine goal thriller!” – Donegal Democrat headline. Finn Harps had lost 7-2

“Seven draws is an awful lot – if Bohs had won two or three of those, and even lost the rest, then they’d be in a wonderful position.” – Damien Richardson

“There are good things coming for this club.” – Dundalk captain David Crawley, on winning the FAI Cup. His team had been relegated the previous week.

“If we played like that every week we wouldn’t be so inconsistent.” – Roddy Collins as Bohemians manager

“We want a draw, or as close as we can get to one.” – unknown Cobh Ramblers fan

“I’m not a believer in luck but I do believe you need it.” – Fran Fields

“I think he’s caught him. It’s like a punch you would get off your rabbit.” – Damien Richardson again

And finally, from the ‘you don’t hear things like this any more’ category…

“Is there a carpenter in the ground?” – PA announcement in a 1974 FAI Cup semi against Finn Harps, after Athlone Town goalkeeper Mick O’Brien had broken the crossbar by swinging on it.