Mon-Dogs, Mountains, And The Bull From Hell

by Brian Kennedy

(first published in the May 2011 Monaghan United match programme)

There may just be a handful of Monaghan supporters at the RSC tonight who have travelled approximately 3 hours and 15 minutes from Gortakeegan for tonight’s game. I know the exact time and mileage as its been part of the 1837 I’ve done so far on my current trip around Ireland for a new League of Ireland book I’m writing, and I have to say my visit to Gortakeegan has been the highlight of my travels in terms of pleasure and pain so far.

Every team and ground around Ireland has its own history and character and “The Magic Mons” are no different. Formed in 1979, the club are still mere pups in League of Ireland terms having first entered the top flight in 1985. A few Blues fans may remember Belgium Park as Monaghan’s first home (though we never faced them there in League competition) but their current base of Gortakeegan has been a regular trip for us down through the years.

It’s a ground I visited last month whilst doing research for the book. Two things stuck out – one of which you’ll be able to see tonight. Though I’ll be up at Cork City’s game against Mervue I can safely bet my house that there will be a tricolour with the words “Monaghan on Tour – Denise & James” sprawled across the old stand tonight (courtesy of dedicated fans Denise & James McCaffrey) however the second will be a real loss to Blues fans at the RSC this evening.

The Mon-Dog.

The Mon-Dog is the renowned hotdog served at Gortakeegan. Bigger than your average hot-dog; cheaper (a mere €3) and coming with an array of condiments, the Mon-Dog is truly a culinary experience. It was on my visit to the ground that I came across one. Having not ate that morning I promptly wolfed down two back-to-back along with a cup of tea and even bought one for my trip home.

It wasn’t that I’m a hungry sod, it’s just I needed the third after my energy levels were sapped from a run-in with the local livestock about an hour later. Anyone who’s been to Monaghan’s ground will know there is a huge hill behind one end – the perfect place for an aerial photograph of the ground.
During United’s game with Dundalk I wondered off up the hill, fully aware of the fact it was private property and had the odd bull floating around. However I was prepared to suffer for my art – and by Christ I did. On working my way through more jungle than a day out in an Amazon rain forest, I reached the top of the hill, and snapped away to my heart’s content. Because I was a sole figure on a massive hill I stood out like a sore thumb during the half-time break, however I soon became the break-time entertainment for the 500 or so fans.

 You see out of the corner of my eye I spotted a four legged object with horns. This suddenly grabbed my attention, and photography quickly took a back seat when I noticed the animal moving my direction at a speed that I can only liken to Lewis Hamilton after coming out of a pit stop. Now I can’t swear the bull took offence to me (there was a couple of cows around so maybe he was frisky) but the boy was going a fair clip and I wasn’t hanging about!

Breaking the 100 metre world record by clocking a new time of 8.67, I retreated to the edge of the field then combined another world record by smashing the high jump record by vaulting an electric fence, clearing it by at least five foot before rolling down the majority of the hill as I’d picked up so much speed in clearing the fence it was impossible to stop my momentum.

Naturally I got a few sniggers (but also a little round of applause) for my efforts on returning to the ground, then sat nursing my wounds as Monaghan went on to beat Dundalk 2-1 in their EA Sports Cup game.

Battered and bruised I took my Mon-Dog home, said my goodbyes and returned to the safety of my home town, but it’s proved one of the most eventful days I’ve had on my travels.
 
If you’ve come from up north tonight, thanks for the hospitality… I’d wish you well over the next ninety minutes, but of course you know I’d be lying!